Love is not condescension, never
that, nor books, nor any marking
on paper, nor what people say of
each other. Love is a tree with
branches reaching into eternity
and roots set deep in eternity,
and no trunk! Have you seen it?
The mind cannot. Your desireing
cannot. The longing you feel for
this love comes from inside you.
When you become the Friend, your
longing will be as the man in
the ocean who holds to a piece of
wood. Eventually, wood, man, and
ocean become one swaying being.
Shams Tabriz, the secret of God.
Held like this, to draw in milk,
no will, tasting clouds of milk,
never so content.
Me: Egypt has shown the world revolution. Mubarak resigned yesterday. Rumi was born in Afghanistan, died in Turkey. "Shams" was his great and beloved teacher. To Rumi, the soul is always journeying back to the source, God. Love, in each of us, draws us to the source, this is our journey. "Eventually, wood, man, and ocean become one swaying being," he writes.
I try to remember what the mind and desire cannot see.
Rumi writes that "longing" is the love within you, again, he believes this love was planted there as longing that we --on our journey-- would travel back to God.
I try to remember to feel my way through. All my best thinking leads me into a lonely room of "what ifs".
Today is Saturday, and Josh spent the morning creating a FB profile for his character "Freddy." A Vermonter "red-neck" that has appeared in Josh's stories and plays. Our apartment is so tiny I call it the toy-house. Our bed is in the living room because the heater is in the living room and the back bedroom's too cold right now. Since we don't have a couch, I lounge in bed while I write. He is over there, ten feet away, giggling about Freddy who is actually Josh (he plays the character in the play). Josh did a photo shoot of himself as Freddy: Here is one of the photos (yes, I am married to this man).
Josh can't stop laughing about Freddy. He's dreaming up plans to randomly friend people he doesn't know. He killed off Freddy's girlfriend Karen because he says I'd be pissed if he did another play and Freddy made-out with Karen. I don't know if this is Freddy or Josh talking. Josh also has a character named Randy who rarely comes out these days (thank god) but who used to come out in emotionally charged situations. For example on a beach in Nova Scotia when I was asking him something serious about our relationship. Randy started shouting "sea glass" and running up and down the beach. You probably think I'm married to a maniac. But, he is actually quite a wonderful man. He feels his way through the world.
Last night he told me, we were arguing about something, that he had no interest in thinking about how he would be with our imaginary future child. He said he believes in being in the moment with children, his only self instruction is his practice of openess. Continually open yourself to the love of the child. Josh currently teaches four year olds at a preschool. Yesterday they had an hour long dance party. He said the kids kept running to the bathroom to splash water on their faces because they were hot and sweaty. I don't know if I could acutally engage in an hour long dance party with kids, but I guess I kind of hope so.